Self-Confidence

Low self-confidence and its twin of low self-esteem are remarkably common as both social and work related pressures on us increase.

There is a serious side to shyness and poor self confidence. Apart from social introversion and loneliness where people stop caring for themselves, there is a potentially serious health risks. Scottish Health News in July 2007 cited a recent Swedish study that found that having an extensive social network may protect people against dementia and that people with a poor or limited social network had a 60% increase in the risk of dementia. It further suggested the following activities to stay involved with the world around you and make sure that you do something sociable every day:

• Keep in regular touch with friends and family
• Go out with friends, family or colleagues
• Get involved in your community
• Volunteer for something that interests you
• Join a club
• Join a walking group or a dance class - it will also increase your physical activity

The pressure to perform at least as well as if not better than our peers is instilled in us all at an early age, particularly at school. How many of us have constantly been told to improve, have seen the immortal words “Could do better” on school reports.

How many have been branded as stupid or useless by people who should know better? Perhaps been laughed at for trying something and not succeeding as well as others think we ought?

How many of us as children had been ridiculed and excluded because we were not particularly good at football or similar playground activity and made to feel worthless while our real strengths and abilities were never recognised or worse, laughed at.

Consider another aspect. As children we were constantly told not to talk to strangers, yet as adolescents and adults we have to go out into the world of strangers to make new friends, or networking for business contacts and increasing business turnover.

Youngsters are constantly told by anxious and caring parents to “Be careful”, “Don’t touch this”, or “don’t do that.” Seldom are they told how to evaluate and assess risk and act accordingly. Seldom are they encouraged to do something slightly risky so that they learn how to encounter these things in a safe learning environment.

Is it any wonder that many of us grow into adults carrying all the emotional baggage of fear of failure, fear of rejection and fear of moving out of our comfort zones? 

The main antagonist in this at this stage and the one that perpetuates our fears is that inner critic who constantly tells us that “We can’t do that”,"What, you think you’re going to succeed at this? Never in a million years, you’re doomed to failure before you start!”

At other times the voice may be saying “What makes you think that he/she will be interested in you? There are plenty of better looking/more interesting/sexier/brighter etc. people than you.”

Together, we can change the message to more truly recognise your qualities and abilities as a unique, capable and successful human being.

If lack of self-confidence is an issue for you as it is for a great many people,
give me a call for an informal chat to see how I can help.